It’s official. Miss USA, or at least someone involved with the pageant, has down syndrome. In today’s uber sensitive society, that’s a heck of a remark. In fact, surely many of you reading this are offended. Well, too bad. This article is not bi-partisan and not politically correct. It’s meant to drive a fish hook deep inside an infected wound and twist until everything goes black. So, now that the end of the world is coming, let’s get down to business.

MISS USA HAS DOWN SYNDROME: CANCELS SWIMSUIT CONTEST

For the first time in almost 100 years, the Miss USA contest will not feature a swimsuit contest. Why do you ask? Well apparently, it’s to align with the current trends of female empowerment and gender equality. Yeah, there is nothing more empowering then forcing women to hide their bodies right? Yes, ok that is not really the point. Obviously, the women and men behind this pageant don’t have down syndrome. But if they don’t have down syndrome, why did they take out such an iconic part of the contest?

MISS USA HAS DOWN SYNDROME; #METOO

The #MeToo movement is a serious thing. Sexual harassment isn’t cool. We can and should all agree on that. But do we have to throw the baby out with the bath water? Sorry for the lame cliche but it makes sense in this situation. Why does everything have to be so cut and dry with the Miss USA contest? Why not make a world where both logic, intelligence and swimsuit models can exist freely and safely? But in today’s America, that can never happen. Too many people have down syndrome. This is because people are too open-minded. Their minds are opening so much, that the brain particles split in half. The result? You guessed it. Down syndrome. So, here’s a solution.

HOW TO PREVENT MISS USA FROM GETTING DOWN SYNDROME

You all want to play this open-minded game? Ok, then how’s this for being open-minded. Let’s say one guy wants to start his own Miss America pageant but this one has a swimsuit section. All he has to do is turn to a decentralized exchange like Kelvin for inspiration. The key here is peer-to-peer. Using this technology, Joe Average can raise his own funds directly from supporters. He can then exchange this digital currency into fiat and get to work on his very own Miss America contest. We’re all liberals now. If people can shut down the swimsuit competition, then other people should have the freedom to start another one up.

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